Letting Go of Your Container

One of my Living School teachers Jim Finley says that “the greatest teacher of God’s presence in our life is our life.” Through the first half of our life, we spend a good amount of time building our "containers"--our profession or job, our family and community of friends, the place we live and the culture with which we identify. For many of us, we are introduced to faith communities when we are young that are part of our container. One of my other Living School teachers, Richard Rohr, suggests that, in the second half of our life, we begin to let go of these containers as the central source of our identity. In fact, the containers that gave us security and standards in our early life must fall away in order to grow into our deepest and truest self.

One of the most important containers in my life has been the church—particularly the Episcopal Church. In many ways, the Episcopal Church has been the constant in a life of early losses and lifelong transitions. The Episcopal Church saw me through my mother’s death and kept me connected with her memory. The Episcopal Church was there when I married. It was there when my father died and then welcomed me into the inner workings of the church when I was ordained. My children were raised in the church—seeing the church buildings themselves as extensions of their home. I was able to go to South Africa through the Episcopal Church and have enjoyed amazing ministries, projects and kind and loving communities. But, after returning from South Africa, and maybe even all along since I was ordained, there was an inner knowing that my life was meant to be lived beyond the church walls. The church container gave me the security and structure to mature into a woman of faith, but then, as Richard Rohr so wisely says again and again…..my church container must and will fall apart in order for me to find the real content and depth of our present life. That time has come and I have days when it is hard, so very hard.

For the last 18 months, I have not been to an Episcopal worship service. And now, in retirement, I find myself again in Holy Week—a time that is always very busy and very insular for church folks. I have been part of years of service after service with great meaning during Holy Week. This year, I missed being in an Episcopal community but I couldn’t make myself go back to that container. Why? Listen to my podcast here for why I think it is time to let go of my Episcopal worship container and then follow my next few podcasts as I describe this part of my faith journey beyond the church walls.